What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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