Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
