just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
