just come out here and I will go home with you...
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
is that a dick in a sweater?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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