he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
