Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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