Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
