the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
