when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
