Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
