Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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