Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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