At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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