I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
