I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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