I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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