I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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