So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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