someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
