SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
