omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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