Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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