my sisters under your porch take her home
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
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