____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
In America we eat man semen.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
