So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
