please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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