is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
