I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
