this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
