The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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