That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
