Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
