WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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