There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
