yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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