I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
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