Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
