I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
