no. you can't hotbox the world.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
