You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
