k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
