I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
