if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
