Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
