last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
