Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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