Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
