Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
