Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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