Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
