OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
